A Singaporean Affair with the Red, White & Blue

Okay, so here goes my weekly update. I finally figured out what was wrong with my apartment dryer. Now before i begin, here’s a disclaimer, it really isn’t my fault! Honest! I swear i thought there was something wrong with the dryer. So for the past 2 months, i kept feeding 75cents at a time into my dryer to do the obvious. Unfortunately, it seemed to keep requiring like more and more 75 cent deposits. So each 75 cents gets your 45mins. For weeks on end, i’d spend nearly 6bucks at a time drying my clothes! I kept thinking to myself! Well this is a major ripoff! i mean what the futtucks right! i can’t kept spending 6 bucks every weekend. And then this week, i realised what i was doing wrong. I never closed the dryer door properly. *groan*…yes yes i know. I’m a doofus. How was i to know?! I thought once u close the door, it’s all good. Turns out, not only do u have to close it, but u can have to shove it tight so the magnets on the doors sorta lock. Geez… finally today! i spent just 75cents and got my clothes dried! woo hooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Of course i’m still learning how t wash my clothes properly. I’ve had to chuck a couple teeshirts away coz the colours mixed and stuff. Well hey, i’m still learning aren’t i!

Anyway, in the meantime, i felt totally bummed out on Thursday, feeling all homesick. Man, that felling totally sucks. Still not really over it yet. Although thanks to Lydia’s contribution to my family food parcel, i made myself a batch of Prima Taste Beef Rendang!!! A bit too much coconut for my liking but still it felt like a piece of home. Not to mention some hazelnut blackcurrant cookies from Bengawan Solo. Seriously folks, there are only so many burgers and tacos one can eat.

On another note, i had some really heartwarming conversations with people back home. Y’all know who you are *wink wink* Of course it feels good when u talk to them but then when u put down the phone/close that msn window, the homesick feeling comes rushing back. OKAY STOP IT!!!!!!!!! man, any more of that shit, and i may as well have saggy boobs, a walking stick, dentures, white hair, black rimmed extra thick bifocals and nag anything that moves.

Oh yeah, another thing that happened, i was supposed to do this major scene with this Italian guy, Mario (could it be any more original for a name?!) in front of the dean of the school. The first time we did it for our class teacher she loved it but then only coz she directed us to a level where it was good. We then left it alone and close to the show, we tried to rehearse it again. Now the one thing i really hate, is someone who isn’t a team player. I mean where the fuck does one get the cheek to treat everything i say and do as joke! Exercises teachers gave us to work on to perfect the scene, he’d throw out the window, less than a week to the show, he insisted we start working on a totally random scene and not and i mean ABSOLUTELY not touch our own scene till showtime, furthermore, he’d say weird things like u rehearse at home, i rehearse at home, the day of the show, we’ll be good. LIKE HELLLLLOOOOOOOOO???? Name me one movie, show, play, display, concert where the people don’t work together at all and produce a good show. Well, i had just about enough of the disrespect and foolhardiness. I mean i have a long fuse but when it blows, oh Godalmighty, does it blow. I just told the school staff, we had to drop the scene. I mean for my first ever performance, i’d rather give a good showing than know i’m jsut doing it for the sake of being there. It’s all good tho, coz i’ve found another scene partner for next semesters Scene Night. We’re gonna start working like immediately for a scene due only 3months from now. I’m not sure if anything i’m saying makes sense but i know i’m making a stand for myself and for the little guy. Enough of people sitting and shitting on we the little guy! Viva La Independence!

Okay, Just a final note, Good Luck Manu for your moot! Happy Belated B’day to Danny Boy, Kishin, you’re still my favourite Sindhi, Sufiyan, congrats on that 99/100 for that econs module, to my manjan pals back home, e.g. Tian, Cheryl, Little Euge, Des….. Hope all of you are keeping well! Okay, enough with the personals, catch y’all in 7 Days!

Dia Duit!" which in Irish means God to You, a common Irish greeting apparently. In Malay of course, it means "He/She’s Money!" which sounds pretty (Irish?)gangsta pimpin’ eh. Imagine riding up to your local Irish Pub in a Green HumVee with 30" platinum 4-leaf-clover-shaped rims, tricked out with Cristal and Guiness and you come out in your kickass threads/kilt, bling-blingin’ all over the shop wit your trickass ‘hoes and out comes Steady McGeady sayin "Dia Duit!"

ANNNNNYYYYYWWWAAAyyyyyyyyy….. so here’s what happened over the past week. My mate Tony, if u check out the albums, he’s the slightly oldish/balding big Caucasian guy had to move into my apartment for about 2 days. Mind you it’s a studio apartment so he had to take the couch. Anyways, poor guy had to leave his place coz he had enough of his housemate/landlord, Mark. Why you ask? Well, Mark turns out to be a frikkin faggot! Hmm….come to think about it, most Mark’s i know have issues of some sort. Anyway, so Tony knew Mark was a bit ’slanted’ when he moved in but took the risk anyway coz he’s a boxer and is more than capable of taking care of himself. Unfortunately, he didn’t know what he was getting into. Turns out, Mark whinges about his life, his job, his lack of friends, lack of $$ etc etc day in and day out! poor Tony! What’s worse is that Mark began taking Tony’s food! A Gay Thief! What has the world come to! Are we having a drought of real criminals, we have to turn to the faggot species?! Anyways, so the other day, Tony had enough when Mark literally cleaned out the fridge. Tony confronts Mark to which he receives the oh so gay limp wrist reply "You can’t talk to me like that!" And then Mark goes ballistic, he starts throwing his own furniture around the house and shouting at Tony. Now Tony is PISSED! (Note to readers: Getting a boxer pissed, is never a good thing) Tony then goes, "You talk like that to me again and i’ll out your head through the wall." Mark then says Tony should leave and well he does. So viola! i took in Tony for a couple o days till he found a new place (which he has! Bravo Tony!)

Anyways, so Thursday was St. Patrick’s Day and in the trust spirit of my cha-pa-lang roots, my mates and i headed down with the irish women from our school to a British Pub. Yes, you heard right, a British Pub. (Ed Note: The Irish hate the English and vice versa) The irony of it all, St. Patricks Day at a British Pub! The main reason was of course all bloody Irish pubs were packed to the max! Even then, i’m told St. Paddy’s Day in LA is no where near as massive as

Philadelphia

or even New Yorkwhere they have massive street festivals!

Anyways, so it was cool beans till then and we headed down to my mate Alfio’s house. Now this guy deserves a blogpost on his own! I’m sure y’all are familiar with Roberto Benigni, the guy who directed Life is Beautiful. Well if u can imagine what he was like at a 24yr old, all crazy and animated and in his full blooded emotional Italian glory, well that’s Alfio. And u know what’s a total coincidence, Alfio’s leaving my school to return to

italy

coz he has a job. Guess who with. That’s right with Roberto B. himself! Good on him!!!! Now here comes the sad part, as much as there are some really nice people in my school, i found out this weekend that a large number of them do coke. I’m of course NOT talking about the soft drink variety. This saddens and disappoints me but such is life. Same with all my friends who smoke, i hold nothing against them but i have huge contempt on what they do with their bodies. Well as long as no one forces me to do anything i’ll be alright. Anyone who knows me will know that i’m always up to try anything but certain things like smoking and drugs are completely outta the question.

So this brings me to yesterday, my ol’ mate Bryzaaaaaaaaa flew in from

Hawaii

! How swweeeet is that! The twin terrors of SMM, united again! So where else can two playas end up but at PAMELA SAMATHIVATHANACHAI’s house (Ed Note: That’s a real person. She’s Thai, forgive her.) It was fan-bloody-tastic seeing 2 of my oldest mates! Pam Sam hasn’t changed one bit, except that she’s looking fab! Also met her friend Nalinna who also happens to be Little Cheryl’s pal (what a small world) and also Ignatius Teo who is a really great guy and defied all expectations i had! Anyway it’s been a great week and with 2 more weeks left of the school term, i can’t wait for the fresh meat..i mean new students to arrive next semester! Aight folks, cheerio and all that! Till Next Week!

Whoops!I missed my last entry by oh say about 8 days! My bad! I gonna learn to maintain the discipline for this thing. So here’s what happened in the last week! On monday, well last Monday that is, i met up with Esther and Wei Quan, two people who have always sorta been good accquaintances but nonetheless, it was great to hang with them! We had dinner at this relaly famous LA deli called Canters. They’re like really good for Corned Beef Sandwiches! and dammmmmn they are sooo bloody tasty! We also spotted a Beckham look-a-like! On Tuesday, I met up with Esther again to go to Universal Studios. Man the studio itself kinda sucks. The Revenge of the Mummy ride is surely the most anti-climatic piece o’ shit…………… crap i started writing this at like 9pm…it’s 1am now….i actually bored myself to sleep. I’m gonna come back tomorrow and finish this shit up. I can’t believe i actually bored myself! Aight..Night folks!

Okay! i’m awake now! It’s like Tuesday afternoon. I should rightfully be studying but hey a little break never hurt anyone. Then again, doesn’t the concept of "break" suggest u need to have started working in order to earn one. Oh shaddup Kamil! Anyway, so Universal Studio’s in LA is one of the worst theme parks in the world, ever! The worst has to be Fox Studios in Sydney! Anyone agree? U know how every theme park has like a highlight ride like that new 40 storey drop rollercoaster in Six Flags New Jersey, well in like Fox Studios, the biggest thing there is like the Titanic ride where u brisk walk thru’ a tilted Titanic (which is supposed to simulate a sinking ship) and then u get onto a life boat (like in the movie) and it rocks side to side (by rocking i mean like gentle caress). Anyway so Universal City is actually way better than the studio itself! Great Shopping! Anyway, So the rest of my week went by pretty uneventual. I mean it wasn’t boring, my life never is. Goodness knows i love to attract trouble. Anyway, the Saturday that just past, i met up with my brother’s new girlfriend who’s in LA for a layover (she’s a stewardess). Now ordinarily this is a non-event. To be honest i really wouldn’t have bothered meting her save for the fact that she had a whole buncha Singapore goodies! Chilli Powder, Tom Yam mixes, Prima Taste food mixes! Culinary Heaven! Oh god! i could have a joy-gasm just talking abt the food. Trust me, there are only so many burgers and tacos one can bloody eat in America. Speaking of which, for those of you who go supermarketing in Singapore, FUCKING HELL, it’s US$10 for one pound of chilli. That’s like around S$17!!!!! That’s ridiculous! If you know me, that’s as good as telling a cigarette or drug addict that his next fix will cost him 400% more than normal! AIEEEEEEEE!!

Okay so anyway, back to my story… so it turns out that in LA, public services meaning the bus systems are highly unreliable. U can wait a good half to one hour between buses. Anyway so the journey to my Mosh’s (my bro’s gf) hotel took a good 2.5hours. Not so bad i guess coz the online bus system told me, the expect route would take only 2hours so that 0.5hr extra was still reasonable. Now the route back! Let me ask you, if u take a bus to a certain place, you would naturally expect that if you crossed the street and tried to take the same bus back, it would take u back to the same spot you got it from. I haven’t lost you yet have i? So far it makes sense about the buses right? Well….NOT IN LA! The bus driver on the route back tells me, sorry, we don’t go back to where u got the bus. This by the way is at 9:40p.m. Okay fine, i think if i can get off near a train station and go the rest of the way by train, i can get within 4km of my place. Of course, with my luck and attraction for trouble, the bus doesn’t stop near a train station. Where does it stop? I kid you not, a bus interchange in the middle of no where. Have u ever asked yourself sometimes, "where am i?" now u take all the times u’ve asked yourself that question and multiply it by oh say 9999999999999999999999 times. That’s where i was dropped off at. Some Godforsaken industrial estate! Here i am, freezing my arse off in the middle of no where. There wasn’t even any traffic for me hitchike or grab a cab. I wait there for a good half an hour and like Gandalf at Helm’s Deep, this bus appears from no where to save me. The first nice thing to happen to me since i got here (public service-wise) the bus driver of the new bus tells me, there is no way i’ll get another bus at 11p.m. and i should just get onto his bus and he’ll drop me as close as he can to where i need to go. How nice is that! Anyway, so i finally get off this other bus about 7KM from my apartment in West Hollywood. I’m lugging around a 12kg of food and goodies in West Hollywood, the LA equivalent of Mohammed Sultan except this rows and rows of gay bars and bookshops. OHMYGAWDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHERE THE HELL HAVE ALL THESE FAGGOTS APPEARED FROM! Bloody arse-rippers! Mackin’ out and holdin’ hands in front of me…… yuck yuck yuck! Anyway so i walk a good 2KM and then i find a 7-11! SALVATION! That’s another thing i nearly forgot to mention. In LA, you cannot, absolutely cannot hail a cab off the street in LA. Even if it’s empty and the cabby sees you, he won’t stop. Imagine 11:30p.m.++ in Singapore but 24-7 in LA. So to get a cab when you are out, you have to b a patron at a shop so that they’ll call a cab for u. So i buy totally useless junk that i absolutely don’t need from 7-11 so i can get a cab! Finally, i get back at 12:15a.m.! i good 4hrs 15mins journey back home! That’s like a flight to Sydney! argh! Long story short, i got home safe and sound, able to enjoy my almond cookies from Bengawan Solo! YUMMY IN MY TUMMY! Alright, this entry should more than satisfy my legion (meaning two) of blog readers who support me!

Till my next entry, cheers folks!

So i’m in country where trying to get help from anybody is damn near frikkin impossible. Everyone has their own agenda and it’s every man,woman,child,animal for themselves. That’s okay tho… i could use some of that survivalist attitude. I’m just too damn nice. Well that’s MY opinion anyway. If you don’t like it, Fuc… i mean too bad! Gosh that attitude thing sure works quickly! Anyways so earlier this week, i decided to do my bit for the community and take a homeless guy home with me. Gave him food, shelter, a warm bath and my couch to sleep on. Felt good at that moment. Now i’m starting to regret it. I think i caught the cold or flu or syphilis from him or something. Been sniffling and coughing since he left. Where my Peh Pah Kow when i need it! Stupid pharmacies think Robitussin is the cure for everything. Got a cough? Robitussin. Cold? Robitussin. Cancer? Robitussin. Geez! Okay so back to my point. Since today is Sunday, it means it’s D-Day, as in Domestic Duties Day. Okay fine, that makes it D-D-Day. So i gotta do my laundry ( i hate having to seperate whites and colours..why can’t i just chuck the whole damn load in!), go do my grocery shopping and other trivial household chores. Martha Stewart, move aside! On a lighter note, i’m particularly glad to see 2 ppl. leave notes fer me! that’s always a good thing. It shows you’re valued! Thanks again for those notes my Lovely Jubblys! Just coz of that, i’ll try and update my blog more often! In the meantime, for those of you out there who’s day is still Sunday, enjoy what’s left of the weekend! Cheers!

So i finally settled on a blog. I know, i’m like way behind most other bloggers in joining th blogging train. Then again, as the French say "The fuck i care what y’all think." Anyway, so basically as u all know i’m in LA now and all by my lonesome self. I guess this blog is designed to give you an idea of how things are going for me in cowbody country. (Shoot first, ask questions later.) I’m also hoping i can stay comitted enough to this thing for the long term. That way when i’m old and in my deathbed, i know i can always surf on friendster and see what it was like when i was a wee old 22yr old munchkin. Anyway there has been sooo much that’s happened to me already but it would be unfair to dwell in the past. Having said that, in LA, you bloody well never know what to expect so i figure i’ll have plenty more stories to entertain the masses. (And no Manu, a blog is not gay.) Alright folks, toodles for now!